I have this theory about Female Superiority because I have noticed they don’t seem to need us men.
We’re physically stronger than they are but it feels like we need them more than they need us.
Fact is, statistics say most woman prefer chocolate over sex. A survey in Men’s Health of a thousand women found that seventy-eight percent of women, given the choice, would rather have a piece of milk chocolate melting on their tongues than a single drop of a guys cream filling.
Chocolate. Wrap your head around that tasty bit of truth.
When you think of it, us guys were in trouble right from the beginning.
This is what I think really happened:
God creates Man.
An interesting creature, loves to take things apart, blow stuff up and scratch his junk like a class room full of ninth graders with raging gonnorhea.
Now, it’s not that God didn’t do a great job on us, but for some reason, a day or so later He see’s a problem.
And then He’s saying stuff like “It’s not good for man to be alone, all this guys done for the last five hours is masturbate and giggle at the monkeys flinging poop at each other and laughing at their weirdly shaped asses”.
Like we need a babysitter or something. So I think man, right from day one, was a bit of a cluster fuck.
And He didn’t want us alone down here, taking stuff apart and eventually flinging our own poop at the monkeys because what really was stopping us.
So He gets busy creating…Woman.
Now woman will have to be superior because she has to be totally self-sufficient and able to look after this man gone sideways.
I think at some point God had a little heart to heart with Woman.
You know, explaining the situation.
“Eve, sweetie, You are privileged among woman”
*rolling eyes* “Uh huh”
“I know I know, he’s a handful.”
“Hey, Hey…just remember, where the real power lies, “Up Here”.
“I made you stronger “up here”
“Look, I’d considerate it a personal favour if you just kept this between us.
I’m going leave him physically stronger, so he’ll think he’s the superior one.
But I’ll make some adjustments, and he’ll be following you around like a puppy dog.”
So life goes on with Women ruling the world without us even knowing it and us trailing around after them with our tongues hanging out, our brains turned off and our erections poking them in their ass cheeks if they slow down long enough to pick up some loose change on the ground because no matter how they think of themselves if they have a low-cut top and flash a little cleavage we will help them move furniture or let them borrow our cars to go on a weekend get away with their boyfriends.
They have this extra sense called ‘Intuition’
A creepy thing. It allows them to know stuff without any information. Especially when we have totally fucked something up or slept with their aunt.
And look who they hang around with. Sure we spend a lot of time with them but that’s just them ‘on the job’ looking after us.
Look at a woman who works in a daycare. Here she is communicating at baby intelligence level all day long.
After work, what does she do for some adult stimulation? She gets a piece of chocolate and goes looking for a woman to talk to because she needs some mature conversation, and face it, woman are more mature.
And they mature sooner than men do. Girls are ready for life in their late teens, early twenties.
While guys are still riding bikes off cliffs or trying to skateboard down handrails at 30. I think that’s how the entire Competitive Eating circuit started. Two thirty something guys in a bar fighting over who could suck down the most pickled eggs while a crowd of beered up locals cheered them on waiting to see who threw up or had a heart attack first.
I mean, as a gender you are mature enough not to spend your time masturbating or flinging poop at each other.
Most of you any way.
As guys we understand you are superior to use in almost every way. Thank God he gave us a penis. Until they find a way to replace that I think we are in pretty good shape.